My husband, Peter, and I had been trying to have another baby for about a year and a half. I wanted to try to keep our kids close together in age. After trying, we finally got a positive pregnancy test. We never really had the thought of miscarriage in our minds. We had heard about it and always knew there was a risk but didn’t know a lot of people with that experience. So with that being said, we decided to tell people. We told all of my husband’s family, some of our coworkers and family. We also told my daughter. We asked her if she wanted a little brother or sister. After a couple of weeks, I started to spot. I didn’t think much of it because I spotted with my daughter and I was told in the first trimester light spotting is normal. As days passed the spotting began to become heavier and more frequent. We got back from a weekend trip and I called my OB’s office. They scheduled an ultrasound appointment to confirm pregnancy and check on things. I had not yet had my first appointment and it was right around the time I needed to schedule it. ​ When I had my ultrasound appointment I was already having to wear a heavy pad because of the bleeding. Unfortunately, the tech was not able to give me any answers which made me feel even worse. I just wanted to know what was going on and what I should expect. I remember all of the blood from the ultrasound stick. She said I was measuring small and it was right around the time the heartbeat would start so it could go either way. I was there on a Monday and they wanted to schedule another appointment in a week to follow-up. ​ Two days later on Wednesday, I got my answer. It was around bedtime for my daughter and I was putting her in the bath. I felt a sudden rush like I was on my period. I freaked out and sat on the toilet and looked at the pad. There was my baby inside of the sac. My husband came around the corner at the very same moment and I still remember I know I had a look of horror on my face. I just said to him, “Help me!” I started to cry but remembered my daughter was right in front of me so I didn’t want to worry her. I saved the pad and replaced it with a new one. While my husband stayed with my daughter my mom took me to the hospital. I had heavy bleeding and there they confirmed I was no longer pregnant. ​ My mom brought me back home. It was very early in the morning. My daughter was sleeping in our bed so I just stayed in the guest bed until they woke up. My mom came back to the house after some rest and took my daughter with her to give my husband and I some alone time. We picked up some food and brought it back to the house. I expected us to spend some time together but to my surprise, he left to go to the gym. I was actually angry with him and left to go pick up my daughter. Later I realized it was how he was dealing with our loss. He wasn’t ready to talk. ​ When I got to my mom’s house my sister was there too. My mom said she wanted to talk to me but was putting my niece to sleep and to wait for her. I told her that I didn’t want to do this or deal with it. My mom told me my sister needed to and I got mad. I told her, “Well it’s not about her, it’s about me.” That’s when I realized, even more, I needed to be supportive of my husband and his feelings of not being ready. For many nights, I was a wreck. I would be up for hours on end. My body didn’t know if I was pregnant or not. I would cry a lot and get angry. I emailed my sister-in-law to make sure to tell our family we didn’t want to talk about it and pretend it never happened. I did the same for my coworkers and the people around me. Just to pretend I was never pregnant. I stayed awake looking for online support or help. I am not the type of person to go to support groups or be around face to face with a lot of people. ​ I was so distraught that I actually wanted to move and start a life with our family somewhere new. We got a puppy because I thought it would help with taking care of something so small that needed us and attention. We had plans to visit Colorado and contacted a realtor to show us some houses. We were told we would be able to try again as soon as I got a normal cycle. Thankfully, I ended up getting pregnant right away. ​ We were a lot more careful about telling people this time. I don’t think I even told people after 3 months because I was so worried again. I spotted during the beginning of the pregnancy as well and I think I was on the phone with the triage Dr. every other day asking if I should come in. Towards the end of the pregnancy, I realized everything would be ok. We had our “rainbow baby”, our son 04/21/17. I miscarried April 13th of 2016 and I was so worried my son would come early because his due date was 04/18/17. I didn’t want our son to be born on the same day we miscarried. The experience made me appreciate our daughter so much more and the son we had after our loss. We thank God every day for healthy children. We celebrate every April 13th by just doing stuff with our kids and making sure we appreciate what we have.